Promise Kept!

OK Friends... I promised that I would get off my soapbox and write something positive. (Smile) I noticed that two or three of my posts this month were bitter rantings. Now, they were responses to something that had happened but still... there is no need for me to get on my soap box about it. So today I am keeping my promise to write something more positive!

This my not seem all that positive in the beginning but it is what it is...

From the time Ron was diagnosed with cancer to the time he changed his address and went home to Jesus, I only saw him cry once. He cried for me. He cried because he felt guilty about leaving me and Nick alone. He cried because he felt guilty about not having life insurance. He cried because I was going to have to raise our son alone.

I guess it's a guy thing. He was feeling guilty about shirking on what he felt were his responsibilities as the man of the house. It broke my heart to see him so broken over things that didn't matter to me in the least. I just wanted Ron. I didn't care about the finances.

In my own quirky way, I decided to "cheer him up" (ok - that sounds lame) by listing all the ways my life would be just fine after he was gone. Of course I mentioned how much easier it was going to be to clean the bathroom since he wouldn't be here to destroy the toilet seat (or the floor around it). I wouldn't have to pick up his dirty underwear and put them in the laundry basket (which was only a few feet from where he tossed them on the floor). I could wear slimming black every day for the rest of my life and no one could say anything about it! I would get full control of the TV remote control. (No more Star Trek episodes!) I could listen to "chick music" and watch "chick flicks" without having him make fun of me. Oh... and there would be no more farting or belching in the house!

Some people may think that I was being quite morbid but it worked for us. Ron and I loved to laugh and finding something to laugh about in the midst of such sadness helped us cope.

I now have a teenage son and guess what....? All of the things that I told Ron that I wouldn't have to put up with after he was gone... I'm putting up with! Yup - I have a teenager who misses the toilet seat, throws his underwear on the floor (a few feet from the laundry basket), makes fun of me when I watch a "chick flick" and laughs hysterically every time he farts. He's turned into his dad and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Sweet (and smelly) Blessings,
LeAnn

I'm Sorry!

Ya'll... I just realized that my recent posts are a bit negative and have a single-focus... other's imposing their opinions and expectations on us. I am so sorry and I pray that this has not caused you to feel discouraged!

While this type of "advice" is common... it is not the only advice or support that I have received, nor, I certainly hope, have you. It's just that this type of unsolicited advice seems to illicit a strong response from me! Actually, I have many amazing friends and supporters who simply love on me... just the way I am. I pray that you have wonderful friends in your life too and I promise to make my next post one of encouragement!

Joy-Filled Blessings!
LeAnn

For Kristy

Do you suppose that, along with the label "widow" comes a sign plastered across our forehead that says, "Why don't you tell me what I should do now?" Now I am the first to admit that I made some REALLY stupid decisions within the first year after Ron died. But, they were my decisions to make. No one was hurt by them and I learned from both good choices and my poor choices. Maybe this is just part of the grieving process?

For my friend Kristy, I have walked this road before you and I know how frustrating it can be when others have expectations for you. Here is what I have learned along the way:

• You can't please everyone.
• No one else knows what is best for you.
• No one else can tell you what to do with your life or how you should move on.
• You will have good days and bad days... neither defines who you are or how you are doing.
• Walls will definitely appear before you - with no warning. It's OK... This will happen. Don't worry about climbing over it or even going around it. You will when you are ready. Maybe the wall before you is a sign that you should stop, rest, and pray? Don't let the wall intimidate or discourage you.
  
• Go easy on yourself! Give yourself a break! It has been less than a year. I didn't move on (at least the way others expected me to) for a couple of years. I just went through the motions of life until God showed me that I was ready for something more.
• You have no idea what God has planned for your life. Let the possibilities excite you as you wait in anticipation.
• No matter where you are, and where you choose to live, your home is in God's heart and in the palm of His hand. You do have a place where you "reside" always... even as you search for your earthly residence.
  
• And... hold on to this truth:
  

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10)

I believe in you Kristy. What you do with your life and which path you choose to take is between you and God... no one else. I think you are doing GREAT!

Sweet Blessings,
LeAnn

Jesus Wept

Have you ever felt discouraged or even "guilty" when a Christian friend or someone from church felt the need to tell you that you have no reason to cry over the death of a loved one? You know what I'm talking about. People who say that if you truly were a Christian you wouldn't shed a tear because you have hope in Jesus...

Baloney!

Knowing that we will see our husbands, wives, parents, children again in Heaven does not exactly eliminate our pain. The loss, even temporary, is still very painful. I cry when my son leaves for a couple weeks in the summer to visit grandparents. I miss him when he is gone. I'm certainly not comparing my son's two week absence to the loss of a loved one. I'm simply saying that missing someone that you love is a very real emotion and one that elicits tears.

I cried myself to sleep every night for six months after Ron died. I missed him terribly. I wanted to tell him about my day. I wanted to hear his laugh. I wanted him to take out the garbage! I know exactly where Ron is and I celebrate the time I had with him and I celebrate that I will see him again. But... I still weep. I still miss him. My grief and my tears do not minimize my faith! Crying out to God makes my faith stronger. Turning to Him strengthens our relationship.

Jesus, himself, wept. He wept in the garden. He wept when His friend Lazarus died. He did not weep out of grief for Lazarus since He knew that He was about to raise him from the dead. But perhaps Jesus wept out of sadness for those around Him. He wept over the effects of death.

Any significant loss can bring on a state of grief. It could be the loss of a job, the loss of a marriage to divorce, the loss of a beloved pet, or the loss of a home. Grief is a strong emotion and it is not normal - nor is it healthy - to keep these emotions bottled up inside. Let it out. Cry, cry, cry!

My friends, Jesus wept and He welcomes our tears. Cry out to Him when you are grieving and let Him wipe the tears away. Grow closer to Him as you allow Him to comfort you.

Sweet, Tear-Filled Blessings,
LeAnn

Joy!

Some of you may remember that my sweet friend, Anne, went to live with Jesus just two short months ago. (See my August 3rd post to read more about Anne.) Anne remains such an inspiration to those of us who have to muddle through here on earth without her, until the day when we will all be together.

I spoke with Anne's husband earlier today and I want to share something he said...

"If Anne found joy in suffering - I can find joy in living."

He went on to share about Anne's final days and how she found joy no matter what. She praised Jesus right up until her final breath and she smiled as she passed from this world to the next. Anne suffered a great deal, physically. But her heart was filled with love for her family and friends, and the hope she has in Jesus. Like I said... Anne truly was and will remain an inspiration to all who have been blessed to know her.

All of us who have experienced the death of a loved one will continue to go through difficult days and will continue to cry ourselves to sleep on occasion, no matter how much time has passed. But, today I challenge all of us... for Anne... today, find joy in living. Count your blessings. Praise the LORD for who He is and all He has done in and through your life thus far. And, if you don't know Jesus... CLICK HERE. In honor of Anne, I would like to introduce you to our best friend and Savior!

Blessings my friends,
LeAnn

Married to Jesus!

Ya'll... I cannot believe the number of people that think it is their responsibility to find me a husband. It's as if I simply can't be happy on my own. For 11 years well-meaning friends have tried to set me up, introduce me to their brother or cousin (or father!), convince me to sign up for eharmony, etc., because they can't imagine that I really am absolutely fine. I had a great marriage. I have a great son. Do I get lonely sometimes... of course I do. But, my life is very full. I have a wonderful job. I get to work with amazing, Christ-filled women every day. I am raising a teenage boy on my own (with a little help from the Big Guy) so that keeps me pretty busy. I am active at my church and in my community. I have wonderful friends. Life is good!

I have come across lots of single women in my adult life. Those that have never been married. Some that are divorced. Some are widowed. Many of these women appear to be "man-hunters!" It's like they just don't believe that they can be happy and fulfilled without a husband. They just have to have a man in their life! Well... that part is true. They are just looking for the wrong man.

I have Jesus! He is everything I need all the time. He never disappoints me. He never lets me down. He never gives up on me. He is always there when I need Him. He loves me without measure. He thinks I am absolutely perfect. He doesn't care about my extra layer. He is perfect in every way!

Please don't misunderstand me... I'm not saying that I don't have days when the loneliness creeps in or I get a bit depressed. It definitely happens. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. I miss Ron. I miss not having him to share stuff with. But, the reality is that he is not here. I can choose to feel sorry for myself. I can choose to become a "man-hunter" because I'm just not good enough on my own. Or, I can choose joy and relish in what I do have. Today - I'm choosing joy! Today - I'm celebrating all that I have and all that God does in and through my life. No matter what happens... God is always there... all the time... in every way.

Remember... you are NEVER alone. God loves you my friends, and so do I.

Sweet Blessings,
LeAnn