Changes

When someone you love has died, the holidays will never again be the same. Anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine's Day, Christmas and other special occasions bring with them a renewed sense of loss. Ron died 11 years ago. The "firsts" were extremely difficult and very painful. But, even now, his absence is magnified during special occasions. There are days when I could easily be tempted to boycott all holidays.

Do you feel this way? Would you like to sweep Christmas under the rug this year? You can certainly celebrate the gift of Christ without a tree filled with ornaments, a pile of Christmas cookies and a wreath on your door. If you don't have children or grandchildren that you need to "put on a good act for," consider just placing a nativity scene in a prominent location and focus your attention on the hope that Jesus brings.

I would love to tell you that this will "fix" your holiday and make it less painful but I would be lying. Christmas is going to hurt. There are, however, ways to get through.

First and foremost... rely on God. In Him you will find strength. Allow Him to carry you through the difficult days. Keep your mind focused on Jesus and the hope and peace that He brings. And allow yourself to cry. Don't try to be brave for those around you. Grief has no timetable. If this is your first, second, or even your tenth Christmas without a loved one, whatever you feel is real and you need to just go with it.

I have found that pouring myself into someone else takes the focus off of my grief and helps me get through the holiday season. I can bring Christmas to a shut-in, write Christmas cards for someone who can no longer write, shop for a neighbor who is homebound, serve dinner at a shelter, etc. Turning my attention to someone elses hardship gives me a sense of purpose.

If you have children or grandchildren to consider, you may want to continue your holiday traditions... just tweak them a little bit. Family traditions provide children with a sense of security in a world full of changes. A loss is a significant change. Continuing with family traditions, even if you alter them a bit, helps them feel secure.

You can also start some new traditions like keeping a special candle lit throughout the holidays in honor of your loved one. I have a couple of Christmas ornaments on my tree that people made after Ron died to honor his memory. I place them prominently front and center on my Christmas tree as a celebration of his life and the memories I have of our lives together.

I'll share some of our Christmas traditions later this week. In the meantime, I would love to hear if you created new traditions to honor someone that has died. We are in this together, my friends!

Sweet Blessings,
LeAnn