As usual, life has been crazy.
As usual, I am grateful for it.
The crazier things are, the less time I have for my mind to wander down a path that I would rather not walk down. Looking outward to others instead of inward has helped me through the darkest of days. There is always someone who is hurting more than I am. And, in helping, God is healing. "A Widow's Might" was born out of my desire to pour myself into others. God never wastes our pain and if He could use my pain to help even one other woman, it was worth admitting the stuff that I had been keeping inside.
When I first launched "A Widow's Might," the idea was to have more of a community blog where a group of women in this season of life could share our feelings. However, the women God put on my heart to do this with weren't quite in the same place as I was at the same time. For a variety of reasons, life just kept them busy in other ways. "A Widow's Might" became a "solo" venture which is not what I intended.
The truth is... I do not feel like a widow 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I don't always have something profound to share with you on "A Widow's Might." (Actually, it's pretty rare that anything profound comes out of my mouth - hahahaha!) I don't always have something that I need to scream about. I don't always have a life-lesson to share. But isn't this GOOD news?
Seriously?! Some days I'm just downright happy all day and I don't cry myself to sleep. If this journey is new to you, I pray that you find hope in this statement.
The thing is... we all grieve differently and on different time tables. I still cry on every significant anniversary (birthdays, holidays, our "firsts," our "lasts," the anniversary of Ron's death, etc) because Ron isn't here. I still cry when Nick receives an award at school and I hide tears at Nick's tennis games because Ron isn't sitting beside me watching our son. I still cry myself to sleep from sheer loneliness a few times every month (especially when I'm hormonal!) I still cry when I see an older couple holding hands, knowing that I will never have that. I still cry because it is very likely that I won't have a happily ever after.
But... I also laugh. I laugh a lot. I am happy a lot. God has put wonderful people in my life... people who fill some of my empty spaces and bring me great joy. In just a few weeks it will be the 13th anniversary of Ron's change of address. Thirteen years ago he went to live with Jesus. The fact that he is with Jesus is a source of happiness for me, too. That doesn't mean that I won't cry a lot on April 19th and it certainly does not mean that I won't cry myself to sleep that night. But, on the 20th, I will wake up to a new day and a fresh start. God's mercies are new EVERY day.
OK - so what's my point?
Well.. remember those gals that God put on my heart to share "A Widow's Might" with? Their lives are now at a place where God is calling them to share too! Beginning very soon, we will be turning this into a community blog with 4-5 of us sharing our experiences, our lives, our hurts, our triumphs, and our hearts with you. I am so excited!
Each of us has a different story to tell and different life experiences that have helped to define who we are. You may connect with some and not with others. By each of us sharing from our own hearts, you will hear different perspectives. By joining together we hope to encourage you in ways that are more personal and helpful to you as an individual. And, with all of us contributing, you will hear from us much more often!
I don't have an exact start date but I will begin making a few changes to this site very soon. Then, in a few weeks, we will welcome you to a new and improved "A Widow's Might" and I will introduce you to a handful of amazing women who have walked the same road that you are on. Each of them inspires me and I know they will be a blessing to you as well.
Much Love,
LeAnn
Monday, April 5, 2010
Change Can Be a Very Good Thing!
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6 comments:
That is so encouraging! To know that God has worked in the lives of those other women, soon to be joining the conversation! To bring them to a place where they too will minister to others. Can't wait to see how God will work!
LeeAnn, I am so very thankful for your ministry. My Jim went to live with Jesus on April 30, 2007. He died suddenly of a heart attack while on a business trip at the age of 51. Our 2 sons are married now and we have a little granddaughter, 4 months old. Your comments have touched my heart. And I also find joy in our LORD! He is using me in a caring ministry in our church. I have seen Him at work in my life as well as others. You are so right - when you show the face of Jesus to others, God is helping you heal.
Praise His Holy Name! Blessings, Kathy
LeeAnn, you have helped me through so much grief. I just want to thank you for going at this alone when you did and while you did. Had you not...I'm not sure if I would have made it through the way I have...in fact I know I wouldn't have. God has used you so mightily in my life and I'm not even a widow. It is a great encouragement to hear you say you have joy and happiness in spite of the emptiness. You truly inspire hope in me. Thanks again, my friend and sister in Christ.
Dear LeAnn,
While listening to K-LOVE today, I heard a commercial for proverbs31.org and found your site there. I have been a widow since last June 12 and am still going through many firsts. I've only read your April 5 post, but agree with so much of what you said and want to tell you how pleased I am that I found "A Widow's Might".
My physical self has gone and continues to go through so many emotions (it's exhausting!), but my spiritual self is extremely happy for Tom, knowing that he is safe with Jesus. That knowledge gives me much peace and, just as you described, allows me to look beyond my circumstances and discover what God wants me to do with this new chapter in my life.
God Bless you. I will pray for you daily.
I'm so glad I found your blog this afternoon. My husband "changed addresses" six weeks ago. I miss him terribly. I am eager to see what you and your fellow widows/bloggers come up with in the new incarnation of this blog.
I lost my husband on June 7, 2010. He was driving a small utility tractor and was hit from behind which threw him off the tractor and onto the pavement. He lived for 2 1/2 weeks before he died.
The driver of the car that hit him was a young mother with her children in the car. This woman grew up less that a mile from our home and from where the accident took place. She was looking for here cell phone that had dropped on the floor. She didn't see him until it was too late. I immediately had forgiveness for this woman. She was doing what any one of us might have been doing. She was not drunk. She was not driving recklessly. I never considered suing her or pressing charges against her. What good would have come from that? But I have had moments, not of unforgiveness, but just thoughts of, this is not fair. Was his life being cut short not worth something? I will be paying on farm ground for years to come that he had worked all his adult and teenage years for. Shouldn't his life have been worth something? Bad thinking process, I know! And one I'm not proud of. His life was worth something far more that what money could have even begun to touch.
There are so many things that I know; I know that the Word of God is true and that Jesus is our salvation and promise of our eternal home. I know that my husband loved the Lord and is with Him this very day. I know that my husband is complete and whole and worshipping at the Master's feet. I know that God is gracious. I often told my husband that he could not die first because I could not live without him. But here I am. God has been my comfort and He has also collected an ocean of tears. He has heard my crying like no other crying I have done before. He has sent me supportive friends that have held me up-in prayer and literally.
But I struggle with why God allowed the love of my life, best friend, father of my 3 kids, to leave our family without being able to have a good-bye. Yes, I was able to say many things to him in those days at the hospital, but there was no confirmation that he heard me. And I was not able to hear a final good-bye I love you. I was not able to hear him say that dispite all my shortcomings as a wife, lover, friend, and partner, that he loved me anyway. Why didn't I do better at housekeeping? Why didn't I get up earlier in the morning? Why didn't I lose weight? Why didn't I love him every time he asked? I KNOW that he loved me, because we had a good marriage and he showed his love in so many ways. But I wanted that final, I love you. And what does it say about me if NOW I keep my house clean and tidy, and if NOW I lose weight? If I couldn't then, why would I now?
I hope that I don't sound too pathetic and depressed because I am finding peace with God. These thoughts just come up in my mind regularly and if you have any insight into my emotional and spiritual struggles, I would appreciate your feedback. Thank you for your blog and for your listening.
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