Care for the Caregiver

Someone that I love very much is in pain. Her mother, Becky, has advanced stage 4 cancer. Becky is in a great deal of physical pain and has started losing control of her own body.

I remember all to well the feelings of helplessness as I watched my husband fade away from me, losing his memory, his ability to reason, and then his ability to walk, speak, and control bodily functions. If you have lived through this, you know what I'm talking about. It is simply one of the worst things imaginable... watching someone you love so dearly slip slowly and painfully away.

Listening to my friend, Melissa, talk about her mother and her mother's husband, I am reminded of my own feelings as Ron's "caregiver." Friends, caregivers need care! Melissa could hear the stress in her mother's husband's voice. She could hear that he was about to break and this compelled her to drop everything and rescue him. Yes, this is her mother and of course she wants to help care for her. However, as I suspect many of you have experienced, many times the one who is sick doesn't want help. They feel guilty... they don't want to be a burden.

This is a rough place to be and there is no perfect solution. You want to respect the person's wishes and their feelings but, it's important that they understand your feelings as well. Here are a few suggestions based on my experience:

Like my friend, Melissa... don't take "no" for an answer. Trust me - if you aren't there for them now, you will regret it later. Express your feelings. Let them know that they are not a burden and that it is a blessing to you that you are able to care for them. Tell them that you couldn't imagine being any place else.

Treasure this time! Time spent together sharing your heart and caring for someone you love is never wasted.

If you are visiting someone who is chronically or terminally ill, bring something for the person's caregiver when you visit. Don't overlook them. They need your prayers and support too. (Don't forget those caring for aging parents!)

Give a caregiver a break! I remember how difficult it was to take a shower or a nap. If someone didn't come to help, I simply couldn't bath or sleep. If Ron was left unattended, he pulled his IVs out of his arm so I never left his side. When you combine your emotional pain with exhaustion and frustration, you are an explosion waiting to happen.

I hope my friend Melissa is a reminder that the caregiver needs care too. If someone in your life is caring for someone right now, pray about what you can do to care for them.

Blessings,
LeAnn