Mother Son Bonding?

As a single parent I struggle with spending enough "quality time" with my son. I work full time; I have a home to take care of; I volunteer in my community; I'm involved in my church; I attempt to be a girlfriend and actually socialize with other women every now and then; and, of course, there's laundry, dishes, cleaning, grocery shopping, errands, doctor and dentist appointments, and all of Nick's activities. I end each day absolutely exhausted and wondering what I actually accomplished that day.

Do you feel me? Does this sound like your life? Seriously... there are days when I look at my son and wonder, "who is that young man on my sofa and how long has he been sitting there?!"

Before I had a child I worked on a cross-stitch piece to hang on my wall. (It was the last piece I ever worked on and I never completed it.) It was the saying,

Cleaning and dusting can wait 'till tomorrow
for children grow up, we've learned to our sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs - dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

It was a nice thought. Then reality kicked in... along with dirty diapers, late-night feedings, and LOTS of laundry! I suppose I could have sat in the squalor and rocked my baby and somehow learned to live with the smell but that just didn't make sense. Somehow I found a way to balance quality time with my sweet baby with the daily responsibilities of running a household and being a wife. I loved my husband and my child and I wanted to spend time with them. But, laundry doesn't do itself. I had to juggle my time and learn to prioritize. Like most women - I had to do it all! (Isn't that what it says under "woman" in the dictionary?)

Ron died 11 years ago so, for 11 years, I have not had a husband to help me raise my child or to help with any household chores. Some days are harder than others. Of course I would prefer to spend all of my time with Nick but the reality is that the bills need to be paid and the house will start to smell if the dishes pile up in the sink! (I know this from experience!)

Last weekend my "to-do" list was WAAAAY longer than time would make possible to complete. "Mommy guilt" kicked in right away as I realized that the only communication with my son would occur when he called out that it was feeding time! I do NOT want to be a parent who misses the important things. I do NOT want to be a parent whose child doesn't remember any "fun" times with mom. I do NOT want to be a parent who wakes up one day to realize that my son has graduated from college and I have no idea who his friends are, what he thinks about, and what matters to him. So... what do I do? How can I spend quality time with Nick and still get at least most of the things on my "to-do" list completed?

First of all, Nick is 14 now and there are basic household chores that are his responsibility. He takes out the garbage, sorts his dirty clothes, vacuums, etc. I'm talking about the extra stuff that comes up like cleaning out the closets and putting together furniture before company shows up, which is what happened last weekend. I found an answer to my dilemma through laughter. What I thought would end up being the lost weekend, turned into one of the best mother-son bonding weekends ever!

I included Nick in the planning, cleaning out the closets, and putting the furniture together (we can only afford furniture that comes in a box). Instead of looking at each item on my list as a "task," I looked at each one as an opportunity. I found ways to make jokes about the stuff we pulled out of the closets, and the silly differences in men and women as we put the furniture together. There was his way (the manly, man way) and my way (the follow directions girly way). We switched roles more than once (his idea) and laughed our way through every "task" on the list. We laughed so hard that tears were running down our faces. We had SO MUCH FUN that it didn't seem like work at all. And... best of all... I didn't miss another weekend with my kid because I was taking care of the chores. I didn't put the chores before Nick. I just found a creative way to get it all done. Uh huh... I am woman- hear me roar!

Being a parent is probably the hardest job in the world. So much of it is a guessing game and I know I make lots of mistakes. My priority is that Nick feels loved and that he never feels like he comes in second to my responsibilities, even though these things are necessary parts of life. I want him to look back at his childhood and remember the silly stuff as well as the significant stuff. I don't want him to look back and remember that his mom was always too busy to spend time with him.

I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to hear from you if you have ideas for spending quality time with your kids while still getting everything done. I know how hard it is to try to accomplish everything without your life-mate. It's rough! We need all the help we can get so maybe we can help each other!

Blessings!
LeAnn