Don't Waste a Moment

A friend of mine just asked how Ron died so I figured many of you may also be wondering. Ron died of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Ron was very healthy! He rarely took a drink. He never smoked. He ate right (most of the time). He exercised regularly. In fact, he was a member of the Mountaineers, a mountain climbing group in the Seattle, Washington area. Because he climbed mountains and slept in caves that he carved in the ice on the side of a mountain, we dismissed some of his symptoms thinking they were a result of no sleep and harsh conditions. He had been complaining of night sweats, itchy skin, and a racing heart. We thought the itchy skin might be an allergy so I kept changing laundry detergents. Then he lost his voice. After a week went by and his voice didn't improve, he went to see a doctor. Initial X-Rays showed a growth on his thymus gland. A biopsy confirmed cancer.

The next step was the staging process where they look at your entire body to see if and where cancer might be. The doctor did not order a bone scan, which I later learned should have been standard procedure, so they did not find the cancer that was in his hip. Ron was treated with six rounds of chemotherapy followed by radiation for the tumor on the thymus gland. The tumor responded so well that after two rounds of chemo, it was almost completely gone and we celebrated a miracle. It was during the radiation treatments that he started to experience the pain in his hip. Evidently the chemotherapy was keeping the cancer in his hip from growing but it wasn't killing it.

After a few failed biopsies and a second opinion, we learned that the cancer had been in his hip from the beginning and that, if the doctor had been aware of this, Ron's treatment would have been very different. By the time it was discovered, the cancer had started to spread. It was in several of his organs and he was no longer a candidate for the treatment that could have saved him.

We rode the up and down emotional roller coaster for a year and a half before Ron took his last breath. I don't know what would have happened if the doctor had ordered a bone scan in the very beginning and I don't want to look back and say "what if." I had doctors telling me that I had an open and shut case against the doctor who made this error. I even began ordering copies of all of Ron's medical records so that I could sue. But, somewhere inside of me, I felt that I would be getting paid for his death and this didn't seem right. Now... maybe I should have. This would have paid for Nick's college. But, at the time, I just didn't feel like I could do it. I was told that I would have to relive everything and I didn't think I could go through it again.

Instead of suing, I went to the doctor's office and asked to speak with him. He came out of his office and, in front of his nurse, the office staff, and the people in his waiting room, I balled my eyes out. I told him that I would not sue him but that I wanted him to remember Ron every time a new patient came in. He listened to every word as I poured my heart out. I gave him a picture of Ron with our sweet three-year-old son on his lap so he could see exactly what was taken away. With tears in his eyes, he gave me his word that he would never forget. I don't believe that he could. He knew that he had made a mistake. I tried very hard to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes. None of us are perfect. His mistake may very well have cost a life. But, this man will remember Ron every time a new patient comes to him for staging. He will never make this mistake again.

OK - why did I take the time to share such a clinical (and painful) chapter of my life as a result of one simple question? Well, for a couple of reasons. First, I was surprised when we found out that itchy skin, night sweats, and a racing heartbeat were very typical of lymphoma. Had we known, we would have been on the doctor's doorstep on day one! So, consider part of this post a quick medical lesson. If you know or hear about anyone with one or more of these symptoms... make sure they see a doctor immediately. Early detection... etc.

But, most importantly... I learned first hand that life is precious. Only God knows when you will take your last breath. Because Ron's death wasn't sudden, I was able to tell him everything that I wanted to say. He knew how much he was loved and this comforts me. I don't have regrets. His family was able to say goodbye. Not everyone has the opportunity. A sudden tragic accident can change your life forever. I know it sounds corny and I'm sorry if I sound like a Hallmark card but... tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Don't waste a single moment.