I woke up this morning in a funk and haven't been able to shake it. The funk started creeping in about a week ago but my in-laws' visit and our trip to Charleston over Thanksgiving kept me a little distracted. This morning I am back in my normal routine so the funk covered me like a dark cloud.
With Thanksgiving, my anniversary, Christmas, New Years, and then my birthday the following week, this time of the year is always a struggle. I try my best to count my blessings but the losses and the loneliness still manage to creep in.
Tomorrow would have been my 20th anniversary. Ron and I would have spent this weekend on a romantic getaway. Instead, I will be doing laundry, running errands, cleaning the house, and trying to remain joyful as I decorate the house for Christmas.
Christmas will be quiet at my house. It's just me and Nick. He will spend the day in his "man-cave" playing video games on the computer and I will spend the day watching unrealistic movies on the Hallmark channel. You know the ones... some perfect dude strolls into town and falls in love with the single-mom and they live happily ever after. Yeah... like that really happens.
New Years Eve will be depressing as will my birthday. These are just anniversaries of another year of being alone. Hmmmm... who wants to celebrate that?
Uggghhh... no wonder I'm in a funk.
Now I have a choice. I can either wallow in the funk or choose to be joyful. I definitely choose joy. But... it takes some effort. You wouldn't think so, would you? Seems like a no-brainer. But pulling yourself out of the pit is hard work when all you want to do is cry and crawl under the covers and wait until February. Oh... maybe February is too early with Valentine's Day and all :(
I'm going to pull myself out of the deep pit one step at a time by counting my blessings.
I have Jesus! No matter what is missing from my life... Jesus is ALWAYS there. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. It's His hand that reaches down to pull me up when I'm in the pit.
I have an amazing son who, even though he would rather stay in his man-cave and doesn't snuggle with mommie like he used to, is turning into a fine Godly young man (and one day, hopefully, will provide me with grandchildren to spoil).
I have an amazing "job." It's hard to call it a job really. It's a calling. It's my family. Jesus is my CEO so... like... can it get any better? I work with the most amazing women who make sacrifices so that they can work together for HIS glory. And, Lysa is the most supportive and generous boss in the world! Seriously!
I have wonderful friends. Not a lot of friends... just a handful of great friends. The kind that will do anything for you. The kind that extend grace and laugh WITH you when you do something stupid. The kind that love you no matter what.
Nick and I have a home (thanks to my mom), a car that runs (thanks to Luann), food on our table, clothes on our backs, a cat that drives us crazy, and our health. All blessings... even the cat.
We have a wonderful church family. We have been members of Spirit of Joy for ten years now and I am honored to worship alongside brothers- and sisters-in-Christ who stand together on the Word of God instead of conforming to what the world tells us.
OK - I'm not all the way out of the pit but I am definitely getting closer to the light! Like I said... it isn't easy. It takes a lot of effort and, when you are in the pit, you are already kind of exhausted and drained. It's kind of a nasty little cycle, isn't it?
Today, my friends, I am counting my blessings and I count you among them. I will be praying for you as you go through this holiday season together. I pray that Jesus will fill every empty space and that He will bring you the kind of peace that only He can provide. I pray that you will find moments of joy and reasons to smile. I pray that you will find much to be thankful for. I pray that God will reveal Himself to you in a very tangible way. And I pray that your life will glorify His Name.
Sweet Blessings,
LeAnn
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
It's the Happiest Time of the Year... At Least That's What the Song Says
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
My Sweet LeAnn,
I so wished that I lived closer to you. We could spend the holiday's together. My boys won't be with me and I no longer have my husband.
My mind doesn't stop thinking about the "traditions, things" that we use to do. The dreams we share of grandchildren at Christmas.
Yes, we can stay in the pit. I have done it and will do it again I am sure. I found that when I allow myself to just be sad, not depressed about it I do better.
Yes God's grace and counting my blessings is what gets me through.
His love is enough for more than a lifetime.
Lots of women share the story of loss of their man. The one thing I have a hard time is when people you love and care about invite you to share in their holiday. While you know with all you heart they want you there, they mean well and love you. It isn't your holiday traditions it is there's. I still feel like the third wheel.
I pray the you and I both will find a place of peace this holiday season. I need grace with this.
Who knows maybe I will pop up there for the New Year? Maybe I will bring "creeper" and his friend.
(thought that might get a laugh out of you.
Praying for you and long distant hugs,
Diane
When is your birthday?
LeAnn,
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. This will be my first Christmas alone and I've been struggling with that dark cloud myself. And, like you, I keep reminding myself that I am never truly alone.
I keep wondering what God has in store for me over these holidays - mine seem to be near the same as yours with my birthday coming January 4th. I will pray for you as I have for myself, that He will reveal those who are feeling stuck under that dark cloud, to provide a chance to pay forward the shelter of His comfort and love.
With Love,
Terrilynn
I count you as one of my biggest blessings! As boss, friend, sister in Christ, and mentor.
I am always here to give you a hand out of the pit-just like you are for me.
Keeping diggin' into the THANKFUL well. You are amazing!! You lifted me with your Words 2 years ago--- and today I can find you here and you do it yet agan!!
My week started out stressful and overwhelming. God reminded me that I can't worry about tomorrow cause He's already there and He'll never put more on us than we can bare. Thanks for sharing your post.
You are such a beautiful woman, LeAnn. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your grief. I love you, and I'm remembering you in my prayers. Blessings.
May you feel the warmth of God's love as arms embracing you during this holiday season and may that love and warmth brighten your time and help you have the best holiday you have had in a long time!!!!
Finally, made it over here after you mentioned the post on your other blog.
I'm right there with you with struggling with the holidays. Bill and I started dating the end of November. He died in April. Not marriage, but a loss. My mom struggled with cancer all through the holidays and died New Year's Day. My birthday is Dec. 15th.
I understand the struggle. I will be praying for you.
Thanks for your wisdom.
Amy
LeAnn,
I just found your blog today, and I am amazed, it felt as if you had been reading my journal. I am who you are and I know the stuggle, I've read through several of your ealier blogs and can identify with each one. My husband died 4 years ago and some days it feels like yesterday, I go along doing okay for a while and then, wham--something comes up that reminds me of my sweet Jer and I'm back to the moment I knew he was gone. Life is hard on your own and I, like you am so glad to have a family of believers to lean on during the rough times, but sometimes you just have to be "alone on your own". Keep on telling the world how it really is, hopefully some of the wives out there who take their precious husbands for granted will get the message before it's too late.
Mary
Sweety I have followed your blog for about a year. I must first thank God for you...and second lift you up to the Great Savior and Healer. For through you He has certainly done such for me.
A year ago I could hardly speak the name of my lost love much less dwell on any aspect of him or us...now I thank God for him, am able to reflect, and even share with others all that the Lord has done for me and taught me through it all.
Merry Blessed Christmas, Blessed among women.
Abba, Father, i give thanks to You for You kindness, mercy, and provisions I lift LeAnn up to You. You know better than any how heart wrenching the holidays are for her. We praise You, Happy Birthday, Jesus, thank You further for also dying for us. In Jesus name amen.
Post a Comment