Happily Never After

OK... I survived Christmas.

New Year's Eve is another story. It's my least favorite day of the year.

I know that it should be a time for counting my blessings and praising God for all the good things that have happened over the last year. And, of course, looking forward in anticipation to what He has in store for the year ahead. But, each year I somehow manage to find myself stuck in the pit. You know... focusing on what I don't have instead of what I do.

With each new year I lose hope in ever getting my "happily ever after." Yes, I know that I am blessed to have an amazing son, a great mom, wonderful friends, an awesome job, and Jesus who loves me without measure. But... at the end of the day... I still go to bed alone. I am still looking at a future with no kiss at midnight year after year after year after year...

I know that many of you feel the same way. Today is just plain hard. But tomorrow will be better and I'll try to stay busy and I'll try to refocus my thoughts on what I do have in my life. But for today, I'm just going to have a good cry and try to get through it.

I'm praying for all of you my sweet friends. Praying that God will be your portion today.

"Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
(Isaiah 41:10)

In His Love,
LeAnn

Surviving Christmas

Oh my... here we are again. Another Christmas without someone we love. December is a hard month to get through when you have lost someone you love so much.

This year hasn't been as hard for me as some years have been. (Although it's not over yet and I am hormonal!) I am keeping myself very busy with lots of projects and activities. And, I'm focusing on the gift of Jesus and on giving back to Him this Christmas. After all... it is His birthday! I can't think of a greater gift to give Him than to serve "the least of these" in His name.

With that in mind, here's how I'm surviving Christmas this year:

I am pouring myself into the lives of others. There is ALWAYS someone who is feeling worse than I am. And there is ALWAYS a need greater than my own.

Check with your pastor or with the social services agency in your area and find out if there is a family in need this Christmas. You can provide Christmas dinner and/or gifts for a family that otherwise would have nothing this year.

Serve at your local soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Nick and I also put together a Christmas gift bag for everyone who came for the hot meal. We included an orange, peanut butter crackers, socks, toothbrush and toothpaste, chocolate, lots of homemade Christmas cookies, shampoo, deodorant, and gloves.

Collect blankets, socks, coats, and gloves as a project. Bring the items to a local shelter. I promise these items will be a tremendous blessing to those who will spend the night on the street in freezing temperatures!

Consider working with an organization like Samaritan's Purse where you can spend as many hours as you would like putting boxes together for those who are less fortunate.

Visit an assisted living or retirement center. I am always surprised by how many people end up alone at Christmas with no visitors! Some of these precious people seem forgotten. It breaks my heart! They LOVE visitors.

If you will be spending Christmas alone, find out if there are other members of your church who will also be alone. Plan a fun dinner or potluck and include everyone who would have been alone. Spend the day together. Play silly games and watch the most ridiculous Christmas movie. (One that will force you to laugh in spite of yourself.) Good food and fellowship is always a good thing!

OK - these are just a few ideas. This may or may not work for you but, for me, keeping busy and keeping focused on what would make God happy helps me get through Christmas with a more joyful heart. Instead of being "me-focused" I am focusing my energy outward. I am less aware of what I don't have and more aware of the joy of doing for others. Blessing someone else truly will bless you.

My sweet friends, I will be praying for you in the days ahead. I pray that God will be everything you need... that He will fill every empty space... and that you will see Him in extraordinary ways.

Merry CHRISTmas!
LeAnn

It's the Happiest Time of the Year... At Least That's What the Song Says

I woke up this morning in a funk and haven't been able to shake it. The funk started creeping in about a week ago but my in-laws' visit and our trip to Charleston over Thanksgiving kept me a little distracted. This morning I am back in my normal routine so the funk covered me like a dark cloud.

With Thanksgiving, my anniversary, Christmas, New Years, and then my birthday the following week, this time of the year is always a struggle. I try my best to count my blessings but the losses and the loneliness still manage to creep in.

Tomorrow would have been my 20th anniversary. Ron and I would have spent this weekend on a romantic getaway. Instead, I will be doing laundry, running errands, cleaning the house, and trying to remain joyful as I decorate the house for Christmas.

Christmas will be quiet at my house. It's just me and Nick. He will spend the day in his "man-cave" playing video games on the computer and I will spend the day watching unrealistic movies on the Hallmark channel. You know the ones... some perfect dude strolls into town and falls in love with the single-mom and they live happily ever after. Yeah... like that really happens.

New Years Eve will be depressing as will my birthday. These are just anniversaries of another year of being alone. Hmmmm... who wants to celebrate that?

Uggghhh... no wonder I'm in a funk.

Now I have a choice. I can either wallow in the funk or choose to be joyful. I definitely choose joy. But... it takes some effort. You wouldn't think so, would you? Seems like a no-brainer. But pulling yourself out of the pit is hard work when all you want to do is cry and crawl under the covers and wait until February. Oh... maybe February is too early with Valentine's Day and all :(

I'm going to pull myself out of the deep pit one step at a time by counting my blessings.

I have Jesus! No matter what is missing from my life... Jesus is ALWAYS there. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. It's His hand that reaches down to pull me up when I'm in the pit.

I have an amazing son who, even though he would rather stay in his man-cave and doesn't snuggle with mommie like he used to, is turning into a fine Godly young man (and one day, hopefully, will provide me with grandchildren to spoil).

I have an amazing "job." It's hard to call it a job really. It's a calling. It's my family. Jesus is my CEO so... like... can it get any better? I work with the most amazing women who make sacrifices so that they can work together for HIS glory. And, Lysa is the most supportive and generous boss in the world! Seriously!

I have wonderful friends. Not a lot of friends... just a handful of great friends. The kind that will do anything for you. The kind that extend grace and laugh WITH you when you do something stupid. The kind that love you no matter what.

Nick and I have a home (thanks to my mom), a car that runs (thanks to Luann), food on our table, clothes on our backs, a cat that drives us crazy, and our health. All blessings... even the cat.

We have a wonderful church family. We have been members of Spirit of Joy for ten years now and I am honored to worship alongside brothers- and sisters-in-Christ who stand together on the Word of God instead of conforming to what the world tells us.

OK - I'm not all the way out of the pit but I am definitely getting closer to the light! Like I said... it isn't easy. It takes a lot of effort and, when you are in the pit, you are already kind of exhausted and drained. It's kind of a nasty little cycle, isn't it?

Today, my friends, I am counting my blessings and I count you among them. I will be praying for you as you go through this holiday season together. I pray that Jesus will fill every empty space and that He will bring you the kind of peace that only He can provide. I pray that you will find moments of joy and reasons to smile. I pray that you will find much to be thankful for. I pray that God will reveal Himself to you in a very tangible way. And I pray that your life will glorify His Name.

Sweet Blessings,
LeAnn

A Sweet Reminder

I absolutely love the fall. It's my favorite season. I love the crispness, the sounds, the smells, I love baking autumn harvest treats, and I love the beautiful display of colors. The leaves seem to be at their peak this week. Earlier today I drove down one of those awesome roads where the trees are like a giant umbrella over the winding road. I couldn't help but think that a photo would have made a beautiful postcard. And, it was a great reminder to stop and appreciate God's wonderful creation. How often do we, as adults, stop to appreciate the changing of the leaves; that a caterpiller turns into a butterfly; that flowers that die return the following year?

As I was baking a yummy autumn treat for my Sunday school class this past Sunday morning I stopped to look out my kitchen window. I was admiring the gorgeous colors of the leaves when a single pink snapdragon caught my eye. It seemed so out of place. It was in my flower box. The flower box that I did not have time to plant last spring. The flower box that has been empty for over a year. I don't know when she appeared (I have decided that snapdragons are girls) but I felt as though God was giving me a sweet little gift... A gift of new hope... a sweet reminder that He makes all things new.

Of course I had to grab my camera and take a quick photo of it. And... I did have to make it sing! I just love that when you squeeze the sides of the flower her mouth opens up as if she were singing in a choir! Isn't that the coolest thing? It's like she's a flower and a toy all wrapped up in one amazing creation.

It's moments like these that remind me that there is beauty in life and there is hope in tomorrow... even if it doesn't always feel like it. If you are stuck in a bad place today, step outside. Take a deep breath and enjoy the sights, smells, and sounds of autumn. Today is a new day. Let's rejoice in it.


Here's the yummy muffin recipe! I got the base of this recipe from the Everyday Life page of www.Proverbs31.org. They had only three ingredients so I had to give them a try. And boy am I glad I did. I added the streusel topping because... well... any excuse to add buttery brown sugar goodness seems like a good idea!

Pumpkin Spice Muffins with Streusel Topping

Muffins:

1/2 cup water
15-oz can pumpkin (not pie mix, just canned pumpkin)
one box of spice cake mix

Streusel Topping:

1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
2/3 stick cold butter
1/2 cup chopped pecans

In a large mixing bowl, combine the water and the pumpkin. Stir in the cake mix. Spoon into paper-lined muffin tins (fill 2/3 full).

Make the streusel by mixing flour, brown sugar and cinnamon. Cut in the cold butter with a pastry blender until it resembles coarse crumbs. Stir in pecans.

Sprinkle streusel over each muffin. (I had streusel left over... an excuse to make another batch of muffins!)

Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.

Enjoy!

Sweet Harvest Blessings,
LeAnn

I Feel Loved

I am so overwhelmed by your words of encouragement and your prayers in response to my last post "Pit of Loneliness." But mostly, I am overwhelmed by those of you who have privately emailed me to share your own feelings of loneliness. I didn't write that post because I wanted to. God nudged me in a way that I simply could not ignore. I didn't know why I had to share those feelings until I read your emails. I think some of you needed to know that you were not alone.

I wish I could tell you that I'm permanently out of the pit but I know that this is not true. Those of you who have lost your husband, or someone close to you, know that this is a one-day-at-a-time process. We have good days and bad days.

I have two coping methods.

One is to keep myself as busy as possible. The busier I am, the less time I have to wallow in self-pity. The less time I have to feel lonely. The less time I have to think about what I don't have. I find that if I can focus on others it takes my mind off of me. And... isn't that what Jesus asks of us? We should be focused on others and not ourselves. I am not the only sad and lonely person in the world. I am not the only person who has suffered a loss. The world is filled with people who have no home, no food, and who live in fear. The world is filled with people who don't know Jesus.

By focusing my energy on helping others, whether that means babysitting for a friend, making a meal for someone who just got out of the hospital, volunteering at the local soup kitchen, teaching Sunday School, etc, I am not self-focused. I imagine that Jesus was lonely. He poured Himself into others and I am TRYING to learn by His example.

The other way that I cope with loneliness is to allow Jesus to fill all my empty spaces. I don't succeed at this every day (I just posted on www.LeAnnRice.com about my struggles in this area) but I am making a concentrated effort. You would think that knowing that God loves me overwhelmingly and unconditionally would pull me to Him each and every morning but somehow I allow myself to get distracted by that next load of laundry or the dishes in the kitchen sink.

However, I do stop throughout the busyness of each day (the busyness I create) to take a deep breath and allow His Spirit to fill me. With each breath I remind myself that I am dearly loved.

So... what are your coping methods? How do you get through the hard days? We are in this together!

Sweet Blessings,
LeAnn

Pit of Loneliness

I'm pretty sure this is the title of a sad country song. If not... it probably will be.

I really prayed long and hard about sharing this with you but, in the end, God said I had to so... here goes...

I am in a sad, lonely, dark pit at the moment. In the 12 years since Ron died, I have been in this place from time to time. Different things trigger the fall and I don't seem to have any control over it. I don't like being in the pit. I know it will end in a few days but that doesn't seem to make it any easier to take.

I haven't shared this before because I don't want the people who care about me to worry (or commit me to an institution). I feel as though I need to keep a smile on my face so everyone will think that I am just fine. But I'm not always just fine. Sometimes life hurts.

It's also hard being in ministry and feeling as though I would be letting everyone down if they knew that I didn't have my act together. Seriously... shouldn't Jesus be enough? Then I beat myself up for letting myself go to a place where I want more than Jesus. It's a downward spiral from there.

Here's the cold hard truth:

I am lonely!

I hate that I don't have someone who loves me waiting for me at the end of the day.

I hate that I can't crawl into bed at night and into my husbands arms.

I hate that I will grow old alone instead of with my best friend.

I hate that I can't pick up the phone and tell him good or bad news the moment it happens or just share my feelings.

I hate that I don't have a date for dinner and a movie... or anything.

I hate that I don't get included in lots of outings because I just don't fit. I'm too old for my younger single friends to include me and I'm not part of a couple like my older married friends.

I hate it that when I am included with my married friends, I feel like a third wheel.

I hate feeling like this is a life-sentence.

I hate it that I feel sorry for myself.

I hate it when others feel sorry for me.

I am dreading the day that Nick leaves for college because then I will be completely alone... with a cat! I'm going to be the crazy lady that everyone talks about!

I hate that I don't have a partner to do life with.

I cry so hard some nights that I can't breath, which means I can't go to sleep. I just lie there on my wet pillow and cry all night.

I hate that I can't tell anyone.

Anyone but you. I know you understand and that's why God MADE me share my heart today. I didn't want to. I am praying that my friends don't see this. They'll be extra nice and that will make it worse. (Go figure?)

Friends, if I am feeling this way then I am sure some of you are too. And, I hate that. I am swimming in a pit of despair and it hurts my heart more than I can say to know that some of you are in this same place. I am so sorry. I hope it helps you to know that you are not alone. I hope you don't lose faith in me. I promise I'll be smiling again very soon.

But in the meantime... I am giving myself permission to be sad.

A friend reminded me of something today... God's mercies are new every day. I'm going to hold on to that for now. For now, that will be enough.

Blessings,
LeAnn

For All Ages

Hey Friends!

Our ministry division for teen girls, Living with Purpose: A Radical Revolution, has focused on Heaven all week. Each post is awesome and, I think, appropriate for all ages. These young women ask great questions and have great insight. We should never ignore the next generation of influencers. They have much to teach us.

I contributed today's post called, "Glimpse of Heaven." While it was written for teen girls, I would love for all ages to read about my glimpse of Heaven. It's really just a teaser. One day I will take the time to describe everything I saw but I don't feel emotionally ready to go there right now. God will tell me when the time is right.

I am particularly honored that Kristen (the Next Generation Coordinator) asked me to write todays post as she wanted to use my experience as a springboard for providing the steps to salvation. Friends, if you do not know Jesus or if someone you love does not know Him, I implore you to visit www.RadRevolution.org today. If just one person comes to know Jesus today as a result of Kristen's efforts, my heart will sing with great joy!

In Christ's Love,
LeAnn